Writing is good for the soul.

 I remember during my worse break up, I was literally going through depression. But I tried in everyway to stay afloat.

First of, I had to go home and stay with mum. In order not to let her worry, I operated like nothing was wrong. I got up, went to work and came home like a robot.

I couldn't eat much, was close to tears all the time, so the first thing I did was to program my mind by doing yoga and then meditation. Literally brainwashing myself as my emotions were out of control. I struggled to keep them from erupting.

I did yoga everyday for an hour. After which I will lie down flat and just keep brainwashing myself. Putting the bad images of the person in a box. Burning it in my head. Put myself in a good place where I feel relaxed and nice. Everytime the bad images come into my head, I grabbed them and put them in a box and burn it. Or tie them to trees in the forest and set fire.

It takes practise. Everyday. And then I had to brainwash myself that the person is invisible. I don't see them even when they are right infront of me. 

On top of that, I travelled and wrote down whatever happened in the day and how i felt about every single thing. I travelled alone and read books and wrote down all emotions.

Slowly and surely, time past and things changed, i moved on and slowly dropped the yoga and meditations as i could control my emotions. Writings slowed down and slowly stopped.

Now as I look back, writing is a way i express myself and release my thoughts and feelings that disturbs me. Negative feelings hinders our judgements and messes with our emotions. We need to find an outlet to let it go.

Which is what i started this 2 cents worth blog so that I could release my feelings and thoughts and i can look back and read and remind myself how i felt that day or what thoughts were bothering me. Of course things that are too personal will be written down and thrown away so that no one reads them. LOL.....

Have a go at wrting out your feelings and emotions and thoughts. There are many ways we can pick ourselves up. But trust me, it is not easy and it takes time.

These days i escape reality by watching movies or tv series. I find that it takes me away from reality. Yes, it may sound like an escape but it keeps me sane. It is not the most productive way of doing things but right now, it helps keep me sane. I should make a break through soon. I know it is coming. And I know I can't go on like that.

Have a good week ahead. 

Borrowing Money

 It seems like to society, people who borrows money are not seen in the good light. Why?

Yes, we've come across so many cases of people borrowing for drugs, gambling, selfishness, scams, con etc.....and yes we've all been there or heard of it.

But there are so many genuine cases of need of help and people generalise them all the same.

I myself when doing well, I had people come and borrow money from me. It is up to me if I want to lend them of course. And if I do, I don't go around mouthing off telling people that this person borrowed money from me. What is the point? Does it make me look great? Am I trying to tell people that I am the better person and the borrower is not? It is because i believe that this person needs some help and i am in the position to do so and I am willing. Not that I am great or anything but I believe every person has their down time. And one day if i am down I hope that someone would help me like I do with others.

I have never borrowed money from people till I went bankrupt. When I got laid off, that was when it started to get hard to make ends meet. I tried all way to try and generate an income and also there were many considerations involved which is hard to explain. But yes, I was down and out and I had to borrow some times. When I had the ability, I would pay back whatever I could. Because my income were not stable it was hard to predict or plan. It wasn't something I choose or want but I made do and try.

During this 5 years of bankruptcy, I realised how hard it was to borrow money. How hard it was for a person to ask another to loan money. It meant bringing down your pride, begging, thinking how to ask etc.....a lot of thoughts involved. But most importantly if that was the last resort to solving a problem to prevent more coming. Is it temporary, how much can it help etc.......

People judge you.  Which also means loosing relationships, trusts and so forth.  To those who were willing to help when I asked, I thank them from the bottom of my heart and pray that they prosper with good health and wealth. Because they are kind. And I promise to pay them back even if it took me a few years. And I will keep my promises. I don't like owing people either.

Everyone is different. Everyone has their own problems. Unless you know that this person is using the money for bad uses, you have the right not to lend. But if you are willing to help this person who is borrowing, please help with an open mind and heart and trust that it will come back. Don't judge because one day you will need their help too. And don't go mouthing off about this borrower, because you are not helping at all if you do.

Everyone has debts and problems. If you want to help, help. If not, just keep your mouth shut because it doesn't make you a better person when you go mouthing off about others.

I've seen my fair share of who are willing who are not, who are the ones that step on you when you are down and who are the ones that throws you a life line. It is when you are down you see the true colors of people. And that is the hard truth.

A recent comment hit me quite hard. Am not sure if it is directed at me or why it was said. But it made me think why is it that the borrower is always the one that is put in the bad light. Why is borrowing such a bad thing. We all borrow from hdb, cpf, banks etc.....that is also borrowing. So why is it that individual one to one is a bad thing or looks bad on a person when borrowing from instituitions are not.

The answer i was told when i asked was this is society. We can't change how people think or feel. We can hold our head up as long as we pay back, we are not cheating or scamming or doing something that is not right or ethical. Not everyone has gone through a bad patch and not every bad patch is ever the same. So no one should judge another.

Living honestly is how one should be and not be affected by how others think of you. 

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