Writing is good for the soul.

 I remember during my worse break up, I was literally going through depression. But I tried in everyway to stay afloat.

First of, I had to go home and stay with mum. In order not to let her worry, I operated like nothing was wrong. I got up, went to work and came home like a robot.

I couldn't eat much, was close to tears all the time, so the first thing I did was to program my mind by doing yoga and then meditation. Literally brainwashing myself as my emotions were out of control. I struggled to keep them from erupting.

I did yoga everyday for an hour. After which I will lie down flat and just keep brainwashing myself. Putting the bad images of the person in a box. Burning it in my head. Put myself in a good place where I feel relaxed and nice. Everytime the bad images come into my head, I grabbed them and put them in a box and burn it. Or tie them to trees in the forest and set fire.

It takes practise. Everyday. And then I had to brainwash myself that the person is invisible. I don't see them even when they are right infront of me. 

On top of that, I travelled and wrote down whatever happened in the day and how i felt about every single thing. I travelled alone and read books and wrote down all emotions.

Slowly and surely, time past and things changed, i moved on and slowly dropped the yoga and meditations as i could control my emotions. Writings slowed down and slowly stopped.

Now as I look back, writing is a way i express myself and release my thoughts and feelings that disturbs me. Negative feelings hinders our judgements and messes with our emotions. We need to find an outlet to let it go.

Which is what i started this 2 cents worth blog so that I could release my feelings and thoughts and i can look back and read and remind myself how i felt that day or what thoughts were bothering me. Of course things that are too personal will be written down and thrown away so that no one reads them. LOL.....

Have a go at wrting out your feelings and emotions and thoughts. There are many ways we can pick ourselves up. But trust me, it is not easy and it takes time.

These days i escape reality by watching movies or tv series. I find that it takes me away from reality. Yes, it may sound like an escape but it keeps me sane. It is not the most productive way of doing things but right now, it helps keep me sane. I should make a break through soon. I know it is coming. And I know I can't go on like that.

Have a good week ahead. 

Stress

 Stress.

What is stress? Is it an outside factor? A self created emotion, worry, anxiety, panic? What is it really?

I think that stress is self inflicted. It is an emotion that when we worry too much, it becomes anxiety and worries mixed. Constant thinking of a problem or situation creates that pressure on us. Whether to decide to act or think of a solution.

A lot of people under stress, can't function well. Because they can't focus or be distracted. And too many things are zooming in the mind at the same time.

Some serious cases where they don't know how to handle or catagorise or stop themselves from worrying or think logically results in them having depression, anxiety or simply go mad.

I've had my fair share. Been there done that. Even ended up creating a health problem! Eczyma. But once I learnt how to not let my emotions get away, and learn to stop thinking when it's too much to handle, or simply just advise myself that things are not within my control so there is nothing I can stress about....then it starts to cool off and comes back to a balance.

Which is why people exercise, take walks, do yoga, run, listen to music, watch movies...my favorite get away from stress.....binge watch movies. Get away from reality for the time being and be somewhere else.

Everyday we go through stuffs to worry about, what time to wake up, how long to get ready, what's for breakfast, the kids school, bags, food etc...traffic, work, lunch, more work, handling colleagues and customers and the public if on public transport, or even shop owners, we deal with sooooo much each day. Some when they go home they have kids, meals, parents, etc.......all rather stressful I would say. But if everyone cooporated then it would be easy. But that is rare.

Some parents see their kids they forget about the stress at work. Some parents see their kids and they get more stress. So everyone is different. And we all have different situations to deal with and how we deal with them.

It was never like last time when things were so much simpler. With modern technology, things gets easy and at the same time more complicated. Even food itself is more complex these days.

Well, people, it is up to individual to deal with their own stress. Learn to find something that you can totally forget and get away from for a few minutes. Whether is praying, taking a walk, watching movies, listening to music, meditation etc....we all need an outlet to dump our excess emotions and thoughts which is stressing us.

So do take care. My 2 cents thoughts for today as I have been worrying quite a bit today.

Self Help

Well, I had a whole weekend to think about my life and what I should do with it.

I've started reading again. Self help books. I've realised that so many books that I've read, I've practised but forgotten after a while.

What is self help? Does self help works? Can anyone actually self help?

I guess it all depends on will power, determination, willingness, support from people around you, and most importantly, how much you want it.

I've been saying...even my title is saying "dreaming". So how is that ever going to happen if it is only dreaming? I've realised since I've identified that I am in shits, I have done very little to change it. I went around, it, looked at it, got depressed over it and did very little to change it and then relapsed to make it back where I started. In other words, went around in circles.

I know it is wrong. I know it is a terrible situation. I know that I must help myself and get out of this rut. I know. But what did I do about it? The only thing I did, I think anyway, was got over the depression of it. I guess maybe that was the wrong thing to do. Now, I don't feel sad or depressed about the situation anymore. I've been discipline for a while and then a relapse. Which I am not proud of. But at that moment, I can't say I was in my right mind.

So what am I going to do now? I've been thinking and I think that I must change. Not about my situation but me. I am the one that is the problem, not the debt!! If I change, things will change. I have to change my daily life, my habits, my timing, my social even, my lifestyle, my wants, my needs even.

"I" have to change. Not anything else or anyone else. But how do I do that? What do I do? Where do I start?

I still have lots of thinking and reading to do. But my goal is to be out of this rut in 2 years time. I want to be totally debt free in 2 years and I have 2 years to sort out my shit. If not sooner. And I think that is where I will start and go backwards.

Wish me determination, courage, discipline and focus. I don't think luck will help me at this point!