Writing is good for the soul.

 I remember during my worse break up, I was literally going through depression. But I tried in everyway to stay afloat.

First of, I had to go home and stay with mum. In order not to let her worry, I operated like nothing was wrong. I got up, went to work and came home like a robot.

I couldn't eat much, was close to tears all the time, so the first thing I did was to program my mind by doing yoga and then meditation. Literally brainwashing myself as my emotions were out of control. I struggled to keep them from erupting.

I did yoga everyday for an hour. After which I will lie down flat and just keep brainwashing myself. Putting the bad images of the person in a box. Burning it in my head. Put myself in a good place where I feel relaxed and nice. Everytime the bad images come into my head, I grabbed them and put them in a box and burn it. Or tie them to trees in the forest and set fire.

It takes practise. Everyday. And then I had to brainwash myself that the person is invisible. I don't see them even when they are right infront of me. 

On top of that, I travelled and wrote down whatever happened in the day and how i felt about every single thing. I travelled alone and read books and wrote down all emotions.

Slowly and surely, time past and things changed, i moved on and slowly dropped the yoga and meditations as i could control my emotions. Writings slowed down and slowly stopped.

Now as I look back, writing is a way i express myself and release my thoughts and feelings that disturbs me. Negative feelings hinders our judgements and messes with our emotions. We need to find an outlet to let it go.

Which is what i started this 2 cents worth blog so that I could release my feelings and thoughts and i can look back and read and remind myself how i felt that day or what thoughts were bothering me. Of course things that are too personal will be written down and thrown away so that no one reads them. LOL.....

Have a go at wrting out your feelings and emotions and thoughts. There are many ways we can pick ourselves up. But trust me, it is not easy and it takes time.

These days i escape reality by watching movies or tv series. I find that it takes me away from reality. Yes, it may sound like an escape but it keeps me sane. It is not the most productive way of doing things but right now, it helps keep me sane. I should make a break through soon. I know it is coming. And I know I can't go on like that.

Have a good week ahead. 

Borrowing Money

 It seems like to society, people who borrows money are not seen in the good light. Why?

Yes, we've come across so many cases of people borrowing for drugs, gambling, selfishness, scams, con etc.....and yes we've all been there or heard of it.

But there are so many genuine cases of need of help and people generalise them all the same.

I myself when doing well, I had people come and borrow money from me. It is up to me if I want to lend them of course. And if I do, I don't go around mouthing off telling people that this person borrowed money from me. What is the point? Does it make me look great? Am I trying to tell people that I am the better person and the borrower is not? It is because i believe that this person needs some help and i am in the position to do so and I am willing. Not that I am great or anything but I believe every person has their down time. And one day if i am down I hope that someone would help me like I do with others.

I have never borrowed money from people till I went bankrupt. When I got laid off, that was when it started to get hard to make ends meet. I tried all way to try and generate an income and also there were many considerations involved which is hard to explain. But yes, I was down and out and I had to borrow some times. When I had the ability, I would pay back whatever I could. Because my income were not stable it was hard to predict or plan. It wasn't something I choose or want but I made do and try.

During this 5 years of bankruptcy, I realised how hard it was to borrow money. How hard it was for a person to ask another to loan money. It meant bringing down your pride, begging, thinking how to ask etc.....a lot of thoughts involved. But most importantly if that was the last resort to solving a problem to prevent more coming. Is it temporary, how much can it help etc.......

People judge you.  Which also means loosing relationships, trusts and so forth.  To those who were willing to help when I asked, I thank them from the bottom of my heart and pray that they prosper with good health and wealth. Because they are kind. And I promise to pay them back even if it took me a few years. And I will keep my promises. I don't like owing people either.

Everyone is different. Everyone has their own problems. Unless you know that this person is using the money for bad uses, you have the right not to lend. But if you are willing to help this person who is borrowing, please help with an open mind and heart and trust that it will come back. Don't judge because one day you will need their help too. And don't go mouthing off about this borrower, because you are not helping at all if you do.

Everyone has debts and problems. If you want to help, help. If not, just keep your mouth shut because it doesn't make you a better person when you go mouthing off about others.

I've seen my fair share of who are willing who are not, who are the ones that step on you when you are down and who are the ones that throws you a life line. It is when you are down you see the true colors of people. And that is the hard truth.

A recent comment hit me quite hard. Am not sure if it is directed at me or why it was said. But it made me think why is it that the borrower is always the one that is put in the bad light. Why is borrowing such a bad thing. We all borrow from hdb, cpf, banks etc.....that is also borrowing. So why is it that individual one to one is a bad thing or looks bad on a person when borrowing from instituitions are not.

The answer i was told when i asked was this is society. We can't change how people think or feel. We can hold our head up as long as we pay back, we are not cheating or scamming or doing something that is not right or ethical. Not everyone has gone through a bad patch and not every bad patch is ever the same. So no one should judge another.

Living honestly is how one should be and not be affected by how others think of you. 

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Do what is important. Not what is urgent.

 Do what is important. Not what is urgent.

Well, we tend to do what is urgent and not what is important. Almost everyone does it.

Because of the sense of urgency, or we are being pressured or rushed, we tend to just do what needs to be done quickly and get it over with. And most people end up being so busy they don't even know why.

These words has always been in my thoughts. And especially when I start to panic, become anxious and feel stressed. I will ask myself. Is this important or is this just urgent?

After you tell the difference, then you will start to have a clear picture of what needs to be done and not what is rushed which is not important at all.

We all have our own problems. But life still has to go on and things still needs to be done. We've got so much emotions that piles up and we have no time to express them or think about it sometimes. And everyday there are more things that will trigger more emotions. More things to think about and do. So much more then some days we feel like exploding or just give up.

When you feel like giving up, that is the time when we should really catagorise our thoughts and feelings and discard those which are useless or of no importance.

People feel stressed because they have no time to analyse their own feelings and thoughts. Some even go crazy because it overwhelms them. Save your own sanity and spend some time to analyse your thoughts and feelings.

This is something that I remembered being told and something that I should do too more often. So that clustered thoughts and feelings can be cleared and make room to breath.

Have a great weekend!!!

Stress

 Stress.

What is stress? Is it an outside factor? A self created emotion, worry, anxiety, panic? What is it really?

I think that stress is self inflicted. It is an emotion that when we worry too much, it becomes anxiety and worries mixed. Constant thinking of a problem or situation creates that pressure on us. Whether to decide to act or think of a solution.

A lot of people under stress, can't function well. Because they can't focus or be distracted. And too many things are zooming in the mind at the same time.

Some serious cases where they don't know how to handle or catagorise or stop themselves from worrying or think logically results in them having depression, anxiety or simply go mad.

I've had my fair share. Been there done that. Even ended up creating a health problem! Eczyma. But once I learnt how to not let my emotions get away, and learn to stop thinking when it's too much to handle, or simply just advise myself that things are not within my control so there is nothing I can stress about....then it starts to cool off and comes back to a balance.

Which is why people exercise, take walks, do yoga, run, listen to music, watch movies...my favorite get away from stress.....binge watch movies. Get away from reality for the time being and be somewhere else.

Everyday we go through stuffs to worry about, what time to wake up, how long to get ready, what's for breakfast, the kids school, bags, food etc...traffic, work, lunch, more work, handling colleagues and customers and the public if on public transport, or even shop owners, we deal with sooooo much each day. Some when they go home they have kids, meals, parents, etc.......all rather stressful I would say. But if everyone cooporated then it would be easy. But that is rare.

Some parents see their kids they forget about the stress at work. Some parents see their kids and they get more stress. So everyone is different. And we all have different situations to deal with and how we deal with them.

It was never like last time when things were so much simpler. With modern technology, things gets easy and at the same time more complicated. Even food itself is more complex these days.

Well, people, it is up to individual to deal with their own stress. Learn to find something that you can totally forget and get away from for a few minutes. Whether is praying, taking a walk, watching movies, listening to music, meditation etc....we all need an outlet to dump our excess emotions and thoughts which is stressing us.

So do take care. My 2 cents thoughts for today as I have been worrying quite a bit today.

New Year, New Beginning...or not!

Well, we all have resolutions for the new year and what is your? Same like last year or something totally new? But what happens to last year's problems and are they still around for the new year?

Well, my problems are still the same and I think they will be for the next couple of years unless of course I strike the lottery or something. But then again, who is to say that the problem will not come back and haunt me in the future?

So far, as far as I am concerned, I have to admit that having made some good decisions last year. Firstly of course was to admit my problem and face it instead of living in denial. I don't deny that I have many replases since but I am proud to say that I am more in control and less addictive. My work has used up most of my brains and has been more challanging to give me a high rather then gambling.

I realised that I am the sort of person who look for excitment when I am bored. Now that maybe the economy has picked up, I have more excitment at work thus no need to feed the hunger. Life has been rather challenging for me in the last past month. Having been to China and getting really pissed off with work and seeing for myself the mentality of the chinese and how they work. I wouldn't say I would go back anytime soon if given a choice!!

Then we had the holidays which Christmas I spend in Shanghai totally miserable and the good thing was they ban gambling online so no chance of doing that at all. Which I think sometimes maybe that is what government should do! They ban porno websites but not gambling. Why??

Gambling I think does more damage then porno if you ask me!! But then again, if you have to pay for it then yes, it is just as bad. But gambling sites make so much money I think it is ridiculous. How often can you verify that the person they announced actually won or is it a bogus?

I am glad for one that I did not go cold turkey on my addiction. I know how it will blow up in my face sooner or later. But being control is a much better feeling. And keeping the bank free of access money is a good way to keep me under control. Credit cards of high interest has been cleared on high priority and juggling the low interest to ensure that they do not max out and to pay off anything with high interest is actually quite interesting. It really works the brain and how to manage. Which at the end of the day, even though I still owe the same amount of money, but at least I felt that I have managed it at a manageable level.

I will have a loan finishing in a couple of months and I am already thinking how that could help me clear my debts faster. Even though I am thinking and going to look for a place to buy with my CPF, I have something to look forward to with access cash. Most importantly, it is to one day become debt free. After all my little debts are cleared, I will work on the bigger one like house and car to try and clear off so that when I do retire, I have no burdens.

At the rate I am going at my job, I can do better. I know I can and I should do so now before I get too old. I don't need to be in a high post in a huge company but I need to make enough money for me. But how much is enough?

Well, I have been lucky and have some extra income from 4D but not much...but that helps a little.

I will still work harder this year to accomplish my goals. I do want to try and clear everything before 2013.

If we believe, we can achieve. Happy New Year!!