Another day

 Another day.

Phone rings off the hook non stop in the afternoons.

Everyone is chasing you, send you threatening messages, chasing you.

You try your best to ignore. You refuse to pick up because you know exactly what they will say and you know just one push and you would go off the edge. 

You try to keep calm. You look at the number and let it ring till it stops. But they keep calling. They don't give up. They keep calling and their determination and persistence is what is driving the pressure up. You feel suffocated. You try to ignore and not feel. You try to numb yourself.

It is tough. It is very hard mentally. It is very difficult to act normal. To go on with your day. To focus on things. 

I can understand why people commit suicide. I truly can. I can feel how close I am to the edge. It's the voices, the phone calls, the nasty texts, the words. And it's pressurizing and mentally draining. You want to think of ways to make the money and to pay them but they are not helping. They don't care if you are stressed out and am doing your best. They just want their money back!!

In this society, money is everything. The people who are dying, they want to live. And they have the money. The people who wants to die, have no money most of the time. I just can't understand those who have health and money and still want to die. But then again, it is just the pressure which they can't take. Some have more tolerance, some don't.

And to be honest, I am on the edge. It is not the amount, it is not a big amount to be honest. Well, to me anyway.....but it seems such a big deal to people. But the pressure is far greater then when I did owe a big amount. It is ridiculous.

I try to distract myself. Try to dive into work. But today, I just can't focus. My mind was all over the place and I was feeling really down and the weather was really humid. I was just walking around aimlessly.

Of course, people say you can block the numbers, put it on silent and all that. But I still need the number for work. So it sucks. A delima.

One day at a time. Take one day at a time. I don't fear them. I just don't like the hassle they cause for everyone. Yes, they can direct it at me but then they start threatening, that is when it bothers me. Not the threats itself. But the hassle that will be caused to other innocent parties.

They want to put people to shame over such small amounts of money. I hope they get their retribution. being nice and understanding and patient doesn't hurt anyone. Plus the money didn't come out of their pocket. It belongs to the "company". And I hope they have nightmares everyday!! Because if I ever go over the edge, I swear I will come back to haunt them all and their family. See how they like it.

It will be the end of today soon. I hope tomorrow I am stronger. I hope tomorrow I am less affected. I hope tomorrow none of them calls me or texts me. I hope to get more sales and money and less of these nonsense.

Let tomorrow be a better day!