Dreams, hope wishes.....

Recently, I met up with some friends and we talked about wishes.

How we have to be careful what we wish for. Because it might just come true. And base on experience, how true that is. So if I wish hard enough that I will be debt free, I will get there...or not!!

What was forgotten when we make a wish is the journey of getting there. I've read many a books where they tell me to make a wish, but......but make sure that it brings harm to no one or damages anything or anyone along the way. Which I think is more important then actually getting to our destination.

A friend of mine hated taking choppers and wished he didnt have to do it anymore and one day, he almost died in a chopper. But that brought him back to land and no longer having to take choppers. He told me that his wish came true but he almost died getting his wish. So be careful what you wish for. Very careful.

I read that this girl wanted a house and everyday as she passes the house, she wished the house to be hers......and the owner died and she got to buy the house. Wasn't exactly what she wished for but she failed to also add that no one should die in order for her to get the house. Because then she felt bad for a long time.

SO be careful what we wish for. I dream of being debt free. I wish to be debt free. With no harm to others or damages. Come in good will. And I will work towards that goal too.

As much as I would like to announce that I am debt free...which I am not and guilty that I have fell back into gambling every now and then.

Someone once told me that what we do sometimes is to feed a hunger in us. Finding out what that hunger is harder then just finding a distraction which might be much easier and more enjoying. But because of what he said about that hunger, I have gone in deep and overtime probably have a finger on it.

Us humans do thing because of a hunger for a certain feeling. When I am alone, on my own, I look for excitment. I can be boring sometimes. And I realised that maybe, just maybe it is the feeling of love that I crave. And by gambling, it takes my mind off. Or numbs that hunger. But then again, when we loose, we get even more frustrated.

So, I honestly have no idea what to do. I have tried every way to be disciplined but every now and again, I will fall back. But I have to comfort myself that I am slightly more disciplined. I pay off debts where I cannot have easy access to first. Those that doesnt have internet banking or easy excess. I empty out my bank so I can't do any online transactions. I try to have only cash to spend on. That way, I leave my banks alone.

I will try all sorts of way to find out what works best. I also try to work harder to get more money.

Let's hope I have better news next time.

New Year, New Beginning...or not!

Well, we all have resolutions for the new year and what is your? Same like last year or something totally new? But what happens to last year's problems and are they still around for the new year?

Well, my problems are still the same and I think they will be for the next couple of years unless of course I strike the lottery or something. But then again, who is to say that the problem will not come back and haunt me in the future?

So far, as far as I am concerned, I have to admit that having made some good decisions last year. Firstly of course was to admit my problem and face it instead of living in denial. I don't deny that I have many replases since but I am proud to say that I am more in control and less addictive. My work has used up most of my brains and has been more challanging to give me a high rather then gambling.

I realised that I am the sort of person who look for excitment when I am bored. Now that maybe the economy has picked up, I have more excitment at work thus no need to feed the hunger. Life has been rather challenging for me in the last past month. Having been to China and getting really pissed off with work and seeing for myself the mentality of the chinese and how they work. I wouldn't say I would go back anytime soon if given a choice!!

Then we had the holidays which Christmas I spend in Shanghai totally miserable and the good thing was they ban gambling online so no chance of doing that at all. Which I think sometimes maybe that is what government should do! They ban porno websites but not gambling. Why??

Gambling I think does more damage then porno if you ask me!! But then again, if you have to pay for it then yes, it is just as bad. But gambling sites make so much money I think it is ridiculous. How often can you verify that the person they announced actually won or is it a bogus?

I am glad for one that I did not go cold turkey on my addiction. I know how it will blow up in my face sooner or later. But being control is a much better feeling. And keeping the bank free of access money is a good way to keep me under control. Credit cards of high interest has been cleared on high priority and juggling the low interest to ensure that they do not max out and to pay off anything with high interest is actually quite interesting. It really works the brain and how to manage. Which at the end of the day, even though I still owe the same amount of money, but at least I felt that I have managed it at a manageable level.

I will have a loan finishing in a couple of months and I am already thinking how that could help me clear my debts faster. Even though I am thinking and going to look for a place to buy with my CPF, I have something to look forward to with access cash. Most importantly, it is to one day become debt free. After all my little debts are cleared, I will work on the bigger one like house and car to try and clear off so that when I do retire, I have no burdens.

At the rate I am going at my job, I can do better. I know I can and I should do so now before I get too old. I don't need to be in a high post in a huge company but I need to make enough money for me. But how much is enough?

Well, I have been lucky and have some extra income from 4D but not much...but that helps a little.

I will still work harder this year to accomplish my goals. I do want to try and clear everything before 2013.

If we believe, we can achieve. Happy New Year!!