Well,
Everyone has every different suggestions. They can come up with everything to suggest that you stop gambling or going to the casino or whatever.......but what is the best way??
I came across an article the other day. Title was choices. Even though it wa for a hyno magazine and the article was actually related to hynotherapy and the therapist, but the wordings in the article woke me up.
Choices. Everybody have choices. In every single thing. I chose to gamble and ended up with debts. I chose not to control myself and let myself fall off the wagon and I ended in more debts. I chose not to be wise and use my money more efficiently and here I am today.....where I have chose to be because of the choices I made in my life.
So who ever said you have no choice? What we chose to do in life or during our life time is where we end up today and will continue as long as we stick to the same decision and the same choices!
The article was a wake up call. Now the thing is which road do I choose to go down? What would be a wise choice and where do I go from here? No one will be able to tell me except me.
How to I avoid falling off the wagon again? I choose. I stop and think what are my choices before I do anything. I pause for a moment before I reach for that button. When I have thoughts about gambling, I look further. To see where I would probably end up if I made that choice.
Something to think about. Choices.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Dreams, hope wishes.....
Recently, I met up with some friends and we talked about wishes.
How we have to be careful what we wish for. Because it might just come true. And base on experience, how true that is. So if I wish hard enough that I will be debt free, I will get there...or not!!
What was forgotten when we make a wish is the journey of getting there. I've read many a books where they tell me to make a wish, but......but make sure that it brings harm to no one or damages anything or anyone along the way. Which I think is more important then actually getting to our destination.
A friend of mine hated taking choppers and wished he didnt have to do it anymore and one day, he almost died in a chopper. But that brought him back to land and no longer having to take choppers. He told me that his wish came true but he almost died getting his wish. So be careful what you wish for. Very careful.
I read that this girl wanted a house and everyday as she passes the house, she wished the house to be hers......and the owner died and she got to buy the house. Wasn't exactly what she wished for but she failed to also add that no one should die in order for her to get the house. Because then she felt bad for a long time.
SO be careful what we wish for. I dream of being debt free. I wish to be debt free. With no harm to others or damages. Come in good will. And I will work towards that goal too.
As much as I would like to announce that I am debt free...which I am not and guilty that I have fell back into gambling every now and then.
Someone once told me that what we do sometimes is to feed a hunger in us. Finding out what that hunger is harder then just finding a distraction which might be much easier and more enjoying. But because of what he said about that hunger, I have gone in deep and overtime probably have a finger on it.
Us humans do thing because of a hunger for a certain feeling. When I am alone, on my own, I look for excitment. I can be boring sometimes. And I realised that maybe, just maybe it is the feeling of love that I crave. And by gambling, it takes my mind off. Or numbs that hunger. But then again, when we loose, we get even more frustrated.
So, I honestly have no idea what to do. I have tried every way to be disciplined but every now and again, I will fall back. But I have to comfort myself that I am slightly more disciplined. I pay off debts where I cannot have easy access to first. Those that doesnt have internet banking or easy excess. I empty out my bank so I can't do any online transactions. I try to have only cash to spend on. That way, I leave my banks alone.
I will try all sorts of way to find out what works best. I also try to work harder to get more money.
Let's hope I have better news next time.
How we have to be careful what we wish for. Because it might just come true. And base on experience, how true that is. So if I wish hard enough that I will be debt free, I will get there...or not!!
What was forgotten when we make a wish is the journey of getting there. I've read many a books where they tell me to make a wish, but......but make sure that it brings harm to no one or damages anything or anyone along the way. Which I think is more important then actually getting to our destination.
A friend of mine hated taking choppers and wished he didnt have to do it anymore and one day, he almost died in a chopper. But that brought him back to land and no longer having to take choppers. He told me that his wish came true but he almost died getting his wish. So be careful what you wish for. Very careful.
I read that this girl wanted a house and everyday as she passes the house, she wished the house to be hers......and the owner died and she got to buy the house. Wasn't exactly what she wished for but she failed to also add that no one should die in order for her to get the house. Because then she felt bad for a long time.
SO be careful what we wish for. I dream of being debt free. I wish to be debt free. With no harm to others or damages. Come in good will. And I will work towards that goal too.
As much as I would like to announce that I am debt free...which I am not and guilty that I have fell back into gambling every now and then.
Someone once told me that what we do sometimes is to feed a hunger in us. Finding out what that hunger is harder then just finding a distraction which might be much easier and more enjoying. But because of what he said about that hunger, I have gone in deep and overtime probably have a finger on it.
Us humans do thing because of a hunger for a certain feeling. When I am alone, on my own, I look for excitment. I can be boring sometimes. And I realised that maybe, just maybe it is the feeling of love that I crave. And by gambling, it takes my mind off. Or numbs that hunger. But then again, when we loose, we get even more frustrated.
So, I honestly have no idea what to do. I have tried every way to be disciplined but every now and again, I will fall back. But I have to comfort myself that I am slightly more disciplined. I pay off debts where I cannot have easy access to first. Those that doesnt have internet banking or easy excess. I empty out my bank so I can't do any online transactions. I try to have only cash to spend on. That way, I leave my banks alone.
I will try all sorts of way to find out what works best. I also try to work harder to get more money.
Let's hope I have better news next time.
Monday, January 18, 2010
New Year, New Beginning...or not!
Well, we all have resolutions for the new year and what is your? Same like last year or something totally new? But what happens to last year's problems and are they still around for the new year?
Well, my problems are still the same and I think they will be for the next couple of years unless of course I strike the lottery or something. But then again, who is to say that the problem will not come back and haunt me in the future?
So far, as far as I am concerned, I have to admit that having made some good decisions last year. Firstly of course was to admit my problem and face it instead of living in denial. I don't deny that I have many replases since but I am proud to say that I am more in control and less addictive. My work has used up most of my brains and has been more challanging to give me a high rather then gambling.
I realised that I am the sort of person who look for excitment when I am bored. Now that maybe the economy has picked up, I have more excitment at work thus no need to feed the hunger. Life has been rather challenging for me in the last past month. Having been to China and getting really pissed off with work and seeing for myself the mentality of the chinese and how they work. I wouldn't say I would go back anytime soon if given a choice!!
Then we had the holidays which Christmas I spend in Shanghai totally miserable and the good thing was they ban gambling online so no chance of doing that at all. Which I think sometimes maybe that is what government should do! They ban porno websites but not gambling. Why??
Gambling I think does more damage then porno if you ask me!! But then again, if you have to pay for it then yes, it is just as bad. But gambling sites make so much money I think it is ridiculous. How often can you verify that the person they announced actually won or is it a bogus?
I am glad for one that I did not go cold turkey on my addiction. I know how it will blow up in my face sooner or later. But being control is a much better feeling. And keeping the bank free of access money is a good way to keep me under control. Credit cards of high interest has been cleared on high priority and juggling the low interest to ensure that they do not max out and to pay off anything with high interest is actually quite interesting. It really works the brain and how to manage. Which at the end of the day, even though I still owe the same amount of money, but at least I felt that I have managed it at a manageable level.
I will have a loan finishing in a couple of months and I am already thinking how that could help me clear my debts faster. Even though I am thinking and going to look for a place to buy with my CPF, I have something to look forward to with access cash. Most importantly, it is to one day become debt free. After all my little debts are cleared, I will work on the bigger one like house and car to try and clear off so that when I do retire, I have no burdens.
At the rate I am going at my job, I can do better. I know I can and I should do so now before I get too old. I don't need to be in a high post in a huge company but I need to make enough money for me. But how much is enough?
Well, I have been lucky and have some extra income from 4D but not much...but that helps a little.
I will still work harder this year to accomplish my goals. I do want to try and clear everything before 2013.
If we believe, we can achieve. Happy New Year!!
Well, my problems are still the same and I think they will be for the next couple of years unless of course I strike the lottery or something. But then again, who is to say that the problem will not come back and haunt me in the future?
So far, as far as I am concerned, I have to admit that having made some good decisions last year. Firstly of course was to admit my problem and face it instead of living in denial. I don't deny that I have many replases since but I am proud to say that I am more in control and less addictive. My work has used up most of my brains and has been more challanging to give me a high rather then gambling.
I realised that I am the sort of person who look for excitment when I am bored. Now that maybe the economy has picked up, I have more excitment at work thus no need to feed the hunger. Life has been rather challenging for me in the last past month. Having been to China and getting really pissed off with work and seeing for myself the mentality of the chinese and how they work. I wouldn't say I would go back anytime soon if given a choice!!
Then we had the holidays which Christmas I spend in Shanghai totally miserable and the good thing was they ban gambling online so no chance of doing that at all. Which I think sometimes maybe that is what government should do! They ban porno websites but not gambling. Why??
Gambling I think does more damage then porno if you ask me!! But then again, if you have to pay for it then yes, it is just as bad. But gambling sites make so much money I think it is ridiculous. How often can you verify that the person they announced actually won or is it a bogus?
I am glad for one that I did not go cold turkey on my addiction. I know how it will blow up in my face sooner or later. But being control is a much better feeling. And keeping the bank free of access money is a good way to keep me under control. Credit cards of high interest has been cleared on high priority and juggling the low interest to ensure that they do not max out and to pay off anything with high interest is actually quite interesting. It really works the brain and how to manage. Which at the end of the day, even though I still owe the same amount of money, but at least I felt that I have managed it at a manageable level.
I will have a loan finishing in a couple of months and I am already thinking how that could help me clear my debts faster. Even though I am thinking and going to look for a place to buy with my CPF, I have something to look forward to with access cash. Most importantly, it is to one day become debt free. After all my little debts are cleared, I will work on the bigger one like house and car to try and clear off so that when I do retire, I have no burdens.
At the rate I am going at my job, I can do better. I know I can and I should do so now before I get too old. I don't need to be in a high post in a huge company but I need to make enough money for me. But how much is enough?
Well, I have been lucky and have some extra income from 4D but not much...but that helps a little.
I will still work harder this year to accomplish my goals. I do want to try and clear everything before 2013.
If we believe, we can achieve. Happy New Year!!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Stroke of luck? Not?
We all hope to be one day be free.......of everything but does anyone have specifics of what exactly or does the list just never ends for each human being?? What is on the top of your list?
Mine? Well....naturally to be able to spend again without worrying! But I have to say, this shit hole that I've plunged myself, I am kind of enjoying being in it....the dirt, mud and the whole darkness, not knowing thing. Sitting duck, waiting for the worst to happen!!
I know, it sounds sick to the head but is anyone not at some point in life? Menopause is just an excuse I think. But anyway, I have not hit that age yet so.....I am considered sick.
But we always say, try to find fun in misery to make it less painful......try.....and so I did.
I move up the scale a little on my debts and I go out to try my luck to see if I can get rid of more only to incurr back the same level more or less.....I know I know.....sad but true.
But then again, I have made life so difficult for myself.....I kind of enjoy it!!! Firstly, I make sure my bank is empty most times except for the monthly deductions I have to make sure that they are there....then I pay more on my debts a little at a time so as to get rid of any spare cash I have......then of course, the easily accessibe banks, I make sure they are maxed out to either installment plans or loans. Or they don't have internet banking....or cancelled basically.
But the thing is, when I get some lee way, naturally the mind starts wondering etc....sigh.....I believe that there are a lot of people like me.......going forward 2 steps and one step back.
But eventually we will get there unless we get some help from the one above or well....lady luck.
So....meantime, all I have to do is keep trying to be disciplined!!!
Mine? Well....naturally to be able to spend again without worrying! But I have to say, this shit hole that I've plunged myself, I am kind of enjoying being in it....the dirt, mud and the whole darkness, not knowing thing. Sitting duck, waiting for the worst to happen!!
I know, it sounds sick to the head but is anyone not at some point in life? Menopause is just an excuse I think. But anyway, I have not hit that age yet so.....I am considered sick.
But we always say, try to find fun in misery to make it less painful......try.....and so I did.
I move up the scale a little on my debts and I go out to try my luck to see if I can get rid of more only to incurr back the same level more or less.....I know I know.....sad but true.
But then again, I have made life so difficult for myself.....I kind of enjoy it!!! Firstly, I make sure my bank is empty most times except for the monthly deductions I have to make sure that they are there....then I pay more on my debts a little at a time so as to get rid of any spare cash I have......then of course, the easily accessibe banks, I make sure they are maxed out to either installment plans or loans. Or they don't have internet banking....or cancelled basically.
But the thing is, when I get some lee way, naturally the mind starts wondering etc....sigh.....I believe that there are a lot of people like me.......going forward 2 steps and one step back.
But eventually we will get there unless we get some help from the one above or well....lady luck.
So....meantime, all I have to do is keep trying to be disciplined!!!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Trying stuffs
Well, since the last time that I blogged, after my loan, I have stopped gambling.
Not because I don't want to or have the urge but because I have someone at home constantly looking at my screen when I am at the computer. As much as I know that she is doing that but I refuse to get caught. And that kept me away from the gambling websites.
At first I was furious about them invading my privacy. That is not acceptable. I should be able to have my own privacy in my own home! But then again, I thought about it on the positive point of view and told myself that she is doing that for my own good. That way, because I know I never want to be caught gambling online to risk the consequence of being nagged at for the rest of my life, I controlled myself.
I have cleared my 24% and have lowered all interest rates to under 18%. I am working on making it go down even lower which is a challange of course as there is still the juggling of finances, the spendings, the moving of funs, the calculations etc...which can be fun!
Some things we just take for granted and not even notice before now becomes so clear. My longest loan is 4 years. One loan will clear by next March which is good as that will ease up soem funds to speed up paying off the rest. The other 2 loans is for 2-3 years so by 2014, I will be totally debt free except for my car. And if god help me, I could actually refinance and pay off my car too sooner.
Of course I am planning to get a house next year too. That way, I can rent it out and get some cash to pay off my debts. So all is in plan. That is good.
I have also been trying to hypnotise myself with tools. Sublimal messages which I think will work. I bought it over the internet and I think so far after a week, it is working. Small steps. With this tool, I also need to think of positive words to put in which I think is great. Keeps the mind in positive mode.
I have also started going out. One reason to get out of the house to get the staring at my screen off my shoulders, the other is to just get away from the computer at home. I don't know how long I can take someone staring over my shoulders but I am fighting the negative feeling. I am persuading myself that that is good. I could easily move my screen but even last night when I thought I will do it, I hesitated. I found it unneccessary. So will see how it goes.
Kepping fingers crossed that all works out well.
Not because I don't want to or have the urge but because I have someone at home constantly looking at my screen when I am at the computer. As much as I know that she is doing that but I refuse to get caught. And that kept me away from the gambling websites.
At first I was furious about them invading my privacy. That is not acceptable. I should be able to have my own privacy in my own home! But then again, I thought about it on the positive point of view and told myself that she is doing that for my own good. That way, because I know I never want to be caught gambling online to risk the consequence of being nagged at for the rest of my life, I controlled myself.
I have cleared my 24% and have lowered all interest rates to under 18%. I am working on making it go down even lower which is a challange of course as there is still the juggling of finances, the spendings, the moving of funs, the calculations etc...which can be fun!
Some things we just take for granted and not even notice before now becomes so clear. My longest loan is 4 years. One loan will clear by next March which is good as that will ease up soem funds to speed up paying off the rest. The other 2 loans is for 2-3 years so by 2014, I will be totally debt free except for my car. And if god help me, I could actually refinance and pay off my car too sooner.
Of course I am planning to get a house next year too. That way, I can rent it out and get some cash to pay off my debts. So all is in plan. That is good.
I have also been trying to hypnotise myself with tools. Sublimal messages which I think will work. I bought it over the internet and I think so far after a week, it is working. Small steps. With this tool, I also need to think of positive words to put in which I think is great. Keeps the mind in positive mode.
I have also started going out. One reason to get out of the house to get the staring at my screen off my shoulders, the other is to just get away from the computer at home. I don't know how long I can take someone staring over my shoulders but I am fighting the negative feeling. I am persuading myself that that is good. I could easily move my screen but even last night when I thought I will do it, I hesitated. I found it unneccessary. So will see how it goes.
Kepping fingers crossed that all works out well.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Next Small Step
Well, what do we do when we are eye brow high in debts only being able to pay the minimum and juggling between all accounts?
Well, I think I took another step. I took up a loan to pay off the 24% credit cards which were charging over $200 in interest every month. I took a 4 year loan such that I can be disciplined to pay off every month without fail. I also made sure it was another account where there is no monthly deductions from so that I will not be confused or mess up. My normal bank account has got too many deductions and sometimes I forget and mess up.
I think taking the responsibility and realising that there is no easy way out is at least a small step that I can make to make sure I see the light at the end of the road. Right now, I have cleared 2 cards with that amount I loaned and it sure feels good to see zeros in an account. That way I know that the bank is no longer able to make anymore money out of me! Hah! Take that!
Then I have a one month holiday before the loan takes off and that would ease another account as well. 4 months of interest and i am paying off one month's loan. If you do the math, it comes to be alot and I have heard friends who has been in this before and is still paying after 10 years!!
It's coming end of the year and I am ready to clear another card to lower all my acconts to interest under 18% and lower. I am making sure that I do not fall back into the same trap. Even though there will be relapses, but it will be under control. Because I cannot afford to take another loan for the next 4 years.
Also, by next year March, one of my loan will be over and it would be easier on me and I wouldn't be so tight. At least then I will have more to look forward to like holidays etc. Plus I guess my mum's new place will be coming and we will be moving which will need some money for furnitures etc. Which is something I need to save for.
I work in sales and from commissions to help me make more. With this economy, I still dont know if next year will be up or down. Which means my income could be lesser then the last two years. I am still at the 70K mark but at least it is getting lesser. With the loan, every month it will get lesser. And it is this little step we take.
Keep on going, I am sure I will make it there one day. My target is to clear within 3 years if I can. Hopefully we will get bonuses and that would help alot. And alot faster too.
We have to believe in ourselves to make things happen.
Well, I think I took another step. I took up a loan to pay off the 24% credit cards which were charging over $200 in interest every month. I took a 4 year loan such that I can be disciplined to pay off every month without fail. I also made sure it was another account where there is no monthly deductions from so that I will not be confused or mess up. My normal bank account has got too many deductions and sometimes I forget and mess up.
I think taking the responsibility and realising that there is no easy way out is at least a small step that I can make to make sure I see the light at the end of the road. Right now, I have cleared 2 cards with that amount I loaned and it sure feels good to see zeros in an account. That way I know that the bank is no longer able to make anymore money out of me! Hah! Take that!
Then I have a one month holiday before the loan takes off and that would ease another account as well. 4 months of interest and i am paying off one month's loan. If you do the math, it comes to be alot and I have heard friends who has been in this before and is still paying after 10 years!!
It's coming end of the year and I am ready to clear another card to lower all my acconts to interest under 18% and lower. I am making sure that I do not fall back into the same trap. Even though there will be relapses, but it will be under control. Because I cannot afford to take another loan for the next 4 years.
Also, by next year March, one of my loan will be over and it would be easier on me and I wouldn't be so tight. At least then I will have more to look forward to like holidays etc. Plus I guess my mum's new place will be coming and we will be moving which will need some money for furnitures etc. Which is something I need to save for.
I work in sales and from commissions to help me make more. With this economy, I still dont know if next year will be up or down. Which means my income could be lesser then the last two years. I am still at the 70K mark but at least it is getting lesser. With the loan, every month it will get lesser. And it is this little step we take.
Keep on going, I am sure I will make it there one day. My target is to clear within 3 years if I can. Hopefully we will get bonuses and that would help alot. And alot faster too.
We have to believe in ourselves to make things happen.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Self Help
Well, I had a whole weekend to think about my life and what I should do with it.
I've started reading again. Self help books. I've realised that so many books that I've read, I've practised but forgotten after a while.
What is self help? Does self help works? Can anyone actually self help?
I guess it all depends on will power, determination, willingness, support from people around you, and most importantly, how much you want it.
I've been saying...even my title is saying "dreaming". So how is that ever going to happen if it is only dreaming? I've realised since I've identified that I am in shits, I have done very little to change it. I went around, it, looked at it, got depressed over it and did very little to change it and then relapsed to make it back where I started. In other words, went around in circles.
I know it is wrong. I know it is a terrible situation. I know that I must help myself and get out of this rut. I know. But what did I do about it? The only thing I did, I think anyway, was got over the depression of it. I guess maybe that was the wrong thing to do. Now, I don't feel sad or depressed about the situation anymore. I've been discipline for a while and then a relapse. Which I am not proud of. But at that moment, I can't say I was in my right mind.
So what am I going to do now? I've been thinking and I think that I must change. Not about my situation but me. I am the one that is the problem, not the debt!! If I change, things will change. I have to change my daily life, my habits, my timing, my social even, my lifestyle, my wants, my needs even.
"I" have to change. Not anything else or anyone else. But how do I do that? What do I do? Where do I start?
I still have lots of thinking and reading to do. But my goal is to be out of this rut in 2 years time. I want to be totally debt free in 2 years and I have 2 years to sort out my shit. If not sooner. And I think that is where I will start and go backwards.
Wish me determination, courage, discipline and focus. I don't think luck will help me at this point!
I've started reading again. Self help books. I've realised that so many books that I've read, I've practised but forgotten after a while.
What is self help? Does self help works? Can anyone actually self help?
I guess it all depends on will power, determination, willingness, support from people around you, and most importantly, how much you want it.
I've been saying...even my title is saying "dreaming". So how is that ever going to happen if it is only dreaming? I've realised since I've identified that I am in shits, I have done very little to change it. I went around, it, looked at it, got depressed over it and did very little to change it and then relapsed to make it back where I started. In other words, went around in circles.
I know it is wrong. I know it is a terrible situation. I know that I must help myself and get out of this rut. I know. But what did I do about it? The only thing I did, I think anyway, was got over the depression of it. I guess maybe that was the wrong thing to do. Now, I don't feel sad or depressed about the situation anymore. I've been discipline for a while and then a relapse. Which I am not proud of. But at that moment, I can't say I was in my right mind.
So what am I going to do now? I've been thinking and I think that I must change. Not about my situation but me. I am the one that is the problem, not the debt!! If I change, things will change. I have to change my daily life, my habits, my timing, my social even, my lifestyle, my wants, my needs even.
"I" have to change. Not anything else or anyone else. But how do I do that? What do I do? Where do I start?
I still have lots of thinking and reading to do. But my goal is to be out of this rut in 2 years time. I want to be totally debt free in 2 years and I have 2 years to sort out my shit. If not sooner. And I think that is where I will start and go backwards.
Wish me determination, courage, discipline and focus. I don't think luck will help me at this point!
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